by Nick Bridwell (Customer Service)
Like a bunch of ninjas in the night, our marketing team snuck in and created a new Saddleback collection, humorously titled: Ugly & Limited. As you will see, the concept is ripe with Saddleback’s trademark brand of irony. The bags are as sick as ever, they just have a little bit of extra character. So, in case you think they are the ugliest things you’ve ever seen, here are 5 Ugly Characters vs. 5 Ugly & Limited Bags.
It’s time to play…Who’s Uglier?
Sloth vs. Brown Arrow, the Branded Front Pocket Backpack
“Hey you guys!” Don’t run away screaming yet. In the red corner, we have the grotesque–but gentle—giant, Sloth from Goonies fame. In the blue corner, a Saddleback Leather Large Tobacco Front Pocket Backpack with a deep brand that looks sort of like an arrow pointing left. This is the sort of horrendous deformity you can expect in the Ugly & Limited Line. Who’s uglier?
2. Jabba the Hutt vs. Chesta the Nutt, the Bulging Briefcase
Before you get all frantic and get strangled by a lady in a bikini, let’s just point out the obvious: Jabba the Hutt is way prettier than this Chestnut Classic Briefcase. They both have stretchmarks, but Chesta the Nutt is all waxed up instead of covered in slime and that’s just unprofessional for the kingpin of the underground leather market. I dunno. I’ll leave it up to you. This medium briefcase makes me sick. (Note: We know Jabba wouldn’t actually fit in a size medium.) Who’s uglier?
3. Ursula the Sea Witch vs. Tobbacula the Tortured Notepad
Poor Ursula gets a bad rap. She’s just a very charismatic lady who may or may not be consuming far too many sea-souls. Ursula is one of the raddest baddies, because her story is just so over the top. If you would like to write your own story, you might want to keep it in something like the Tobacco, Saddleback Leather Branded Notepad Holder. But do you really? It looks like it got shocked by one of Ursula’s electric eels. Ouch! Who’s Uglier?
4. Freddy Krueger vs. Heartless the Branded iPad Air 2 Case
Freddy Krueger is the heartless dream-wanderer who likes to scare the heck out of psychologically damaged teenagers. Heartless the Branded iPad Air 2 Case had its heart ripped out and nothing remains but a heart-shape brand. Can anyone say Gothic Valentine’s Day 2017? Freddy’s face makes me want to ralph, but man, this heartless brand is just evil. Who’s Uglier?
5. Gollum vs. Precious, the Branded Messenger Bag
Gollum from the Lord of the Rings trilogy is one butt-ugly little creature. Primarily, because he’s been corrupted by that magic ring thingamabob. I think that Precious our Tobacco colored Branded Messenger Bag might have held the ring for a while, too. One bag to rule them all! There’s a fat “P-for-Precious” brand on the side of the bag, with an arrow pointed down to where the ring most likely rested and corrupted and lured innocent creatures into doing its evil bidding. Both of these creatures make me sick. Who’s uglier?
As you can see, the Saddleback Leather Ugly & Limited collection is turning out some Grade-A uggos. So, anyway, if these pieces aren’t here when you go to the Ugly & Limited page, the villagers probably chased them away with pitchforks and torches. Don’t worry. We’re adding more every week. First come, first serve.