Underwater Lingo Misunderstandings

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by Caroline Bengali (Customer Service)

My husband Richard and I are in Bermuda for a much needed vacation.

Our first stop after the tropical drinks bar is the beach.  Sipping on my pineapple-mango nectar,  I walk towards the turquoise water and stake out our spot. Umbrella and beach chairs? Check.  Richard, comes back shortly with an arm full of snorkel gear. A lounging iguana bats his eyelids in approval.

There is something so magical about being under water.  It’s so quiet and the pressure makes it feel like a giant sea hug welcoming you.

We swim out a little.  We point and gurgle at each other when we see an octopus tucked under a rock. I am lost in the beauty of the coral and the fans, all of us swaying with the mild current.

Richard is hard core explorer.  I am happy being in my shallow water heaven. He starts swimming away. I tell myself to not be a baby and to follow my man into the unknown…ugh.

We swim for an eternity, (really like 20 feet out). I stay close behind his fins and the deeper we go the more I look maniacally around  to make sure nothing horrible is near us.  He swims, farther and farther, the bottom is so far away now.  I want my tropical drink, I want to talk to my iguana friend, I want to go back!.  Seriously we’re probably less than 50 yards out. But I may as well be in the middle of the Caribbean.

Suddenly, Richard hovers vertically in the water and points.  Alarms of doom ring in my head! Panic creeping in. I’m panting. I raise my eyebrows and decide it’s time to exit stage beach.

The swim back takes less than 1 second, arms flailing wildly, legs furiously kicking.  I crawl onto the sand and lie there, grateful to be alive, sand in my hair and all.

Minutes later, Richard saunters out of the water, pulling off his mask, shaking his head and grinning.  “Are you ok?” he asks. “Why did you run away?” Through sandy teeth I answer, “You stopped on a dime, hovering and pointing!” “That is the sign for giant shark up ahead!” I loudly explain.  Rolling his eyes he says, “I was trying to show you a small angel fish that was floating near us.”  I loudly exhale and lie back down on the sand. “C’mon” he says holding my hands. We walk. “I still can’t believe you thought there was a shark out there!” “Hahahahaha, you looked so funny air swimming like a deranged seagull, hahahahaha.”

This afternoon we went shopping, mostly for me to forget the shark attack incident.  From across the store I show him a gorgeous sarong and shake my head ‘yes’.  He shakes his head ‘yes’.  At the cash register he suddenly gets a wild look in his eyes. His breathing becomes shallow, beads of sweat are forming on his forehead.  “How much?” He asks, giving me a confused look. “You said yes.” I said, “With your head.”  “I thought you were saying you liked it not asking if we could buy it!”  “Hahahahahahahaha.” I say loudly as we walk out of the store, sarong in tow.  “So funny you thought I was just showing this to you, hahahahahaha.”You looked so funny standing there with your face of horror, hahahahaha.”

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